The Seaweed Amendment

Last week when the President delivered his Afghan War speech, I, like many of the cadets in the audience at West Point, began to doze off. I fell into a dreamlike state………



During the late hours of the night the U.S. House of Representatives met to discuss amendments to the healthcare legislation.

 Congressman: “Madam Speaker”

 Speaker: “For what purpose does the gentleman from Kentucky rise?”



Congressman Slimnon Pikkens from Kentucky adjusted his blue tie and headed down to the well to address his colleagues in the House.

 Congressman Pikkens: “Madam Speaker I have an amendment to the Obamao-Care legislation which I have submitted for consideration by this body.”

 Speaker: “You have six minutes, sir.”

 Congressman Pikkens: “Thank you.” “Madam Speaker, Ladies and Gentlemen of the House. I submit to you an amendment to this historic healthcare legislation which I will call the Seaweed Amendment.”

 “Said amendment is a tip of our beret to our friends across the Pacific Ocean, our Japanese allies.” “Under this amendment every man and women 21 years of age and older shall keep their waist size no greater than 35.5 inches in diameter.”

 “Furthermore, an annual measurement will take place on September 15th of every year.” “The significance of this date is the birth date of our only 300 plus pound President, William Howard Taft."
 “The net effect of this amendment will keep health care costs down and provide ample focus for all Americans to watch their girth while maintaining a healthy lifestyle.”

 Speaker: “Thank you, Congressman Pickens.” “Is there debate on the matter before us?”

Speaker: “Hearing none we will move toward a vote.” “On a voice vote the ayes have it.” “The amendment passes.”

I suddenly awoke from my slumber, arose from the chair, and headed to the junk drawer in the kitchen. I pulled out a tailor measure. 'Twas some swag I had received from a men’s clothing store when purchasing a couple of Geoffrey Beene shirts many years ago. I proceeded to measure my waist. Damn, 36 inches. I thought, “I’m going to have to contribute to that “Taft Fund” for the oversized.”

Then through the fogginess in my mind I realized it was only a dream. But could something like this happen as the Socialist Democrat agenda marches on?


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